Its Not The Orgasm You Want, Its The Intimacy

I don’t mind a bit of self love, I won’t lie to you and if everyone is being honest, I bet they would all say the same. There’s nothing better than a quick solo mission on a Sunday morning or twice on your lunch break because it’s been a rough day. Look, it’s either masturbate the pain away or drink it away and liquid lunches during the work day are frowned upon. Unfortunately all the solo exploration was leaving me less and less satisfied. 

I quickly come, pun intended, to the realisation that it wasn’t an orgasm I was looking for, it was all the stuff that usually comes before the orgasm. The kissing, the cuddling, the foreplay and all the things that make sex sexy! I missed holding hands and laughing at inside jokes. I was horny for sharing a dinner date or going to the movies together. Yes, an orgasm is great, I mean it’s an orgasm it’s never not great, but a quick fix no longer did the trick. 

Intimacy is what separates friends from lovers. When the intimacy goes, what are you left with? Housemates, two people who live together and that’s about it. Don’t get me wrong, sex isn’t everything in fact it’s probably one of the smaller parts of a good relationship, it is however important nonetheless. Being intimate with your partner is more than just sex though, yes, there’s the physical part but there’s also the emotional side. It’s supporting all their crazy ideas and if you know me, even a little bit, you know I have a lot of those. It’s about being a shoulder to cry on and a shirt sleeve to wipe the tears and snot away. It’s holding your partner's hand and helping them to feel brave when they are scared. It’s jumping off the bungee platform with them and also being at the bottom to catch them if the cord breaks. Having a physical relationship without intimacy is a booty call. 

Intimacy is that feeling of being close and emotionally connected. It should build over time not dissipate. The bond you share should grow as the relationship evolves but that can only happen if both parties are growing as individuals. If one of you refuses to mature past the mental age of a 15yr old, the relationship is doomed and that my friends, is straight up facts.