Week Night Wine Drunk

Want to know what sucks? Learning the hard way that your friends are not really your friends. I've been mad at people in this book many times but this time might hurt the most. Losing a lover sucks and you'll cry a tonne but losing a friend is different. Your friends are the family you chose for yourself, the people you tell your secrets to and can be real in front of without judgement. Losing a friend is hard.  Picture this, you, yourself are feeling good, looking absolutely

And just like that awareness kicks in and they realise they need to change. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. It doesn't matter how many times you try to help a person unless they can recognise that the problem sits squarely on their shoulders, You will always be beating your head against a brick wall. Babe you are far too pretty to ruin the money maker for someone else's ignorance. However if you are lucky they might recognise a good thing and know t

So I honestly tried to say goodbye. I went as far as telling him I couldn't see him again, it was hard but I really tried. “We had fun” I said, meaning every word. At that moment in time I meant it. I had crashed out over him one too many times. I had been scraped up off the kitchen floor by caring friends one too many times but the time they asked if I loved him… But two weeks later we were talking again. My secret shame, I can't stay away from him. We can't stay away from e

The clarity that comes from the conversation you don’t want to have? That’s how you eliminate the stress of the unknown. And look, I’m not saying it’s easy because it rarely is, but you can’t move forward if you're stuck in 'maybe'. Sitting in limbo. Waiting for an answer that won't come because you never asked the damn question, is just as uncomfortable as not knowing. The difference is when you have an answer, even if it's not the one you were hoping for, you have a startin

Are those moments where you try to forget the pain by keeping yourself busy meant to redirect you toward a new path? Or are they just distractions? Temporary fixes that keep you from feeling the full weight of your emotions? Maybe it’s both. Maybe losing yourself in hobbies and tasks is exactly what you’re supposed to do, not because they erase the pain, but because they reconnect you to the things that light you up. The things that bring back that little spark and put a genu

They say avoidants always come back—and just like they said he would, he did. A little smart-ass comment to break the ice, then a proper chat the next day. My heart raced and I panicked when the message came through. I hadn’t expected to hear from him again. It hadn’t even been that long, really, but it was out of character for him. We talked almost every day. Even he had noticed the silence though. He said I’d been quiet. He felt the absence—because we’d never had one before

I held it together all day. Pretended I was okay. Pretended like I didn’t care. But the truth is, I checked every hour to see if he’d been online. When I got home, I tried to distract myself with a million little jobs. I made some shelves. I thought about working out. But when I sat down to take my shoes off, I cried on my bed instead.  Then I cried while I ate cheese and salami and baked a pizza.I drank a bottle and a half of wine and ended up talking to a guy from school, t

They say therapy is good for the soul. Me and my sister say therapy is expensive, emotional vulnerability is terrifying, and we already have a fully-qualified support system in the form of each other—plus two kayaks and a cooler full of beers. My sister and I are what I like to call "emotionally unavailable with a side of avoidance issues." Instead of sitting across from a licensed professional and confronting our feelings like well-adjusted adults, we choose the more scenic

“Have you pulled the pin?” A concerned friend asked. “What pin?” I said.“On the guy,” she replied, “You snooze, you lose. On Instagram?” And that’s when I cried. Because I think… I have. Lately, I’ve been hit with one too many dodgy men treating me like I’m disposable, and as much as I hate to admit it, he’s one of them. Not because he’s done anything awful recently. There wasn’t some big falling out or dramatic ending. But I caught myself thinking if only he would commit, I

For my own sanity, it’s time to let this guy go. I know, I know, I’ve said this a hundred times before. But this time? I mean it. Like, really  mean it. He would have to come back with something pretty damn spectacular to make me change my mind. Because here’s the truth: I’m really fucking great. Like actually  great. I’m beautiful, smart, and successful. I own my own home, I’m financially stable, I have no debt. I’ve got a great job. I basically piss and shit talent on the d

I need to eat, pray, love. If you have read the book or seen the movie and don't think it's brilliant, then honestly, I'm convinced you must have your shit together, because I need a whole new start. A new beginning where no one knows me. A new job in a new place and a whole new me. The start of that movie hits a little too close to home. I'm ashamed to admit I have sat on the floor crying, asking the universe to get me out of my shitty marriage. I have asked for sign after s

I am quite often mistaken for an asshole. It's not my fault I was born stunning but intense, I have what is most commonly known as a resting bitch face. My meticulously sculpted brows have been referred to as, and I quote, 'aggressive'. I pay a lot of money to make sure each one is arched to perfection and I'm not going to soften my look just because you find me intimidating. Ask yourself this question, am I intimidating or are you intimidated?  For those willing to take the

Wanting the same things in life isn’t an automatic yes. Smiling at your phone after we’ve been texting for a week doesn’t mean I’m your girlfriend, especially if we haven’t even met yet. You can’t be “fond” of me if you know nothing about me. The way you read my message might be the complete opposite of how I intended it. You might’ve read way more into it when I was just being light-hearted and funny. You don’t know me until we’ve spent a significant amount of time together.

We hadn’t talked much in the couple of weeks between visits. It was strange, considering we usually talk almost every day. I always thought that if it didn’t work out between us, it would just slowly fizzle out and eventually the talking would stop. But he was still there—lurking in the shadows, watching my socials, chatting a little… but not a lot. He’d just started a new job, working almost six days a week, and when I saw him, it was obvious he was exhausted. Maybe that was

He told her to lean into her feminine energy, she cut all her hair off, dyed it black and gave herself an undercut. Then just for validation, posted a video of them making out. Could be wrong but I think something is off in the relationship, could be wrong but it might be the fact that you've never spent more than three months on your own, could be wrong but it might be that you don't know anything about yourself and you need another person in your life to distract you from t

I think I'm done. I think I've decided I'm not seeing him again. I say ‘i think’ because im a dickhead for that man and if he was to come back correct I would be there in a heartbeat. Even if he was to come back a little bit nice I would probably still cave. We are supposed to be seeing each other in 9 days but I don't think I'm going. I'm not sure to be honest but I don't think I'm going. I can't keep going back because it hurts my feelings every time. Maybe he will realise

After accidentally learning about attachment styles on TikTok, I wanted to see when I stood on the spectrum. I did a bunch of online quizzes and it soon became very clear that I wasn't anxious like I thought. Turns out I'm actually avoidant. Until I catch feelings that is. And honestly if you knew my parents you would understand.  They did the best they could and my dad is a brilliant dad. My mum leaves a lot to be desired. She hasn't been in my life for a very long time and

So I went to see him again. I nearly didn't. We had a bunch of terrible weather in the lead up to our weekend together and were almost flooded out but the sun came out and dried up the roads so I could go see him again. When i got to his place we fucked as we usually do. He was super affectionate and the sex was great. After we showered I was still getting dressed when he came and stood behind me with his hands on my hips. He looked at me in the mirror and I knew he wanted to

My time on the dating scene has introduced me to many nice and not so nice men. A colourful cast of characters, who on the surface seemed lovely but after digging, nay barely scratching the surface, became clear they were very much less than lovely.

I would like to preface this by saying that when I wrote it, I’d had about 5 wines and two steaks. Yes two. I hadn't eaten all day. I was hungry. What of it???? Travelling on your own is such a vibe! I'm currently holed up in a small beach town eating a very spicy pepper steak in the cutest little Airbnb. The wine is fine, my music is too loud for the neighbours, I'm singing at the top of my lungs and I don't care.  No one is here to tell me to turn my music down because they