Permission not required (unless you're driving drunk)

Here’s a little life secret no one tells you loudly enough: you don’t need anyone’s permission to live your damn life. That’s the magic of free will, baby. You were born with it, no permission slip required, mum and dad don't need to say yes anymore. Yet somehow, we still find ourselves looking around for their approval. It's like we need Mum to nod from across the room or for Dad to say “great idea, sport.”

Stop it. You’re not a kid anymore, and this isn’t recess. Try things. Mess up gloriously. Look ridiculous, wear the weird hat, chase the crazy dream. This life is absurdly short, so absurdly short. Like how am I middle aged already? And generally those who keep telling you what you “should” or “shouldn’t” do are scared of how bright you shine. Be radiant anyway. The right people will squint, smile, and say, “That right there, that's my kind of weirdo.” they will put on their sunnies so they can watch and cheer from the sidelines. How do I know this? Because I’ve found a tribe of lunatics, people who still think I’m cool even when I’m tripping over my own jokes or when I need scraping up off the kitchen floor. Turns out, you don’t need to fit in; you just need to be real. Your people will find you when you stop hiding.

‘Should’ is a theory at best and a guilt-trip in disguise at worst. ‘Should’ doesn’t exist outside your own mind. The only real thing in this life is your decisions. So if you want to go out, then you should go out. If you want to cancel plans and stay in bed eating cereal with no pants on, you should do it. See how ‘should’ has now become a decision. Not because it was expected that you would but because you chose to. If someone is mad that you didn’t show up to their uncles, brothers, third cousin’s baby shower, they’ll get over it. Or they won’t. Either way, it’s not your job to change your life to fit the shape of their expectations. You should do exactly as you please and everyone else should leave you alone to do so. How they respond is up to them, that's their decision. They are perfectly entitled to have it but it shouldn't have to impact anything you do. 

Yes, people can influence your choices and sometimes this is a good thing, it can help you make a decision but sometimes it's done to manipulate. Ultimately though, no one gets to make the final call but you. And sure, sharing decisions with people you trust can be fun. Collaborative even. But if their input starts sounding like control, it’s time to reevaluate. (Unless we’re talking about drunk driving. Then yeah, you should listen to literally anyone who tells you no.)

Now, here’s the spicy bit though. Emotional manipulation is real, and it’s sneaky. It often shows up wearing the mask of concern, “I just care about you,” “I want the best for you.” And maybe they do. But if “caring” quickly becomes, “You can’t wear that,” or “Where’s the change from your allowance?” congrats, you’re dating your dad and i'm pretty sure that's illegal, everywhere.

Manipulation isn’t always obvious, but it’s almost always felt. It’s that sick little twist in your gut that makes you lie about how much fun you had on a night out because your partner “wouldn’t like it.” Or when you skip buying yourself something nice because you don’t want to deal with the argument. It's when you pretend to enjoy things a little bit less, just to make someone else feel more comfortable. That’s not a compromise, that’s called walking on lego’s in your own home. It's painful and annoying.

And here’s the thing, we’re done with that, I'm not letting you continue this way. You are allowed to be free. You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to go out and live loudly, even if someone else gets pouty about it. If they don’t like it? Too bad, they don't have to.

Anyone who defines your worth by what you do or don’t do for them isn’t interested in a real connection. They’re interested in control and this doesn’t just apply to romance. Friends do it, family does it, coworkers do it. When the relationship becomes more about what you can do for them and it's only accepted if you're meeting their needs then it's time to move on.

So let’s make it official: you are not a puppet. You are not a project. You don't need to be fixed. You are not someone’s emotional support water bottle. You’re a full-grown, gloriously messy, beautifully unpredictable individual and I know it's been said a million times but the right people will love you for all of that. Own your decisions. Celebrate your freedom. Be your own permission slip. And please, for the love of god, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.