Reframe, Redirect, Refocus

Are those moments where you try to forget the pain by keeping yourself busy meant to redirect you toward a new path? Or are they just distractions? Temporary fixes that keep you from feeling the full weight of your emotions? Maybe it’s both. Maybe losing yourself in hobbies and tasks is exactly what you’re supposed to do, not because they erase the pain, but because they reconnect you to the things that light you up. The things that bring back that little spark and put a genuine smile on your face again. Maybe those small joys are what lead you, eventually, to the next guy, who might also break your heart. But as that awful old saying goes, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Honestly, sometimes I wish I could punch the guy who came up with that saying directly in his dumb face. Because to have loved and lost is a kind of pain that only lying on the kitchen floor, crying until your ribs ache can heal. The guy who he said he felt the same while chasing other women, hurts me more than any weapon forged by man. It’s the kind of wound that makes you question your worth. 

But on the other side of that pain is a plan. A plan to reframe, redirect and refocus.

Reframe your thoughts: this wasn’t meant for you, and that’s not a punishment, it’s space being cleared for something better.Redirect your energy: move it back into yourself. Go for the walk. Go to the gym. Say yes to dinner with friends. Hug your family. Dance around your living room. Build a life that makes you proud, one moment at a time.And then refocus: dream wildly. Get creative. Let your mind wander toward all the magical possibilities you once believed in. Everything is possible if you’re brave enough to begin and stubborn enough to keep going. And god knows I'm stubborn.

It’s easy to stay in the sadness. So tempting to sit in the dark, curled up with your heartbreak playlist and let the words in every song crush you. But staying in that place too long only lets them win. Don’t become someone who wears their trauma like a badge of honour. They weren’t good enough to keep you. That’s their problem, not yours.

Prove that to yourself, not to them. Prove that by becoming the version of you that you’re proud to wake up as every morning. Not out of revenge, not because they should see what they lost, but because you deserve to be the best you can be. You deserve to heal.

And this advice? It’s not just for breakups. It’s for all of life’s heartbreaks, the jobs we don’t get, the friendships that fall apart, the dreams that don’t go the way we planned. You cannot, and I repeat cannot, sit in your misery forever. For one, eating an entire tub of ice cream will make you bloated and bitter, and two, you are far too beautiful to be this miserable.

Remember: our minds lie to us. In the absence of answers, we create stories to fill the silence. Don’t fall for the fairytales your overthinking writes. Just because he didn’t message you doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Maybe he’s wondering why you’ve gone quiet too. Maybe he’s just as scared to reach out. The truth is you don’t know until he tells you. So stop making up endings before the story is finished.

Instead, choose curiosity. Choose joy. Choose to try again. Put yourself out there. Say yes to the thing that scares you just a little. You never know, one night, you might find yourself pouring your thoughts into a paragraph and sending it to someone who gets it. And suddenly, he’s sending you seven messages back-to-back, and you’re laughing again. Chatting like you’ve known each other forever. And in that moment, you feel it, a tiny, soft smile sneaking back onto your face.

And that? That’s the beginning of something good. Maybe even something real.