The Puddle Duck

The dating pool has become less of a pool and more of a dirty puddle. The kind you find on a grotty street corner after a drizzle of rain. A pool of scummy water from an endless stream of Datsuns with subs in the boot and three instalments left to pay. The kind of puddle a rat will bypass because the sewer water is cleaner. It's a cesspool of men with three rotting teeth hanging out of their head or the emotional availability of rice paper in a tropical rain storm, and here's me, a middle aged duckling paddling around in it. Paddling around in a place I never saw myself going back to.

It's the same men running the same shit on all the apps too. Not on just one but on all of them and I guess technically that makes me the same. I'm on all the apps or I was. I don't know, I can never make up my mind if I should stay on them or never look at them again.

Dating as a middle aged single mum is a strange experience. The people hitting on me have changed. I miss being naive about men but I'm also so glad to have the experience that I now have. I swear naivety made me thin but If I didn't know what I know now, I would definitely be making some terrible mistakes. My friends' ex's are hitting me up for dates. And it's not like they are just swiping on me on apps, they are messaging me on all the platforms they can, they are stopping me in the street to reiterate the fact that they are now single. They come into my work to ‘coincidentally’ bump into me. I'm not stupid mate, I know what you're doing. It was obvious you were checking me out while you were in a relationship with my friend and it gave me the ick then what makes you think i want to fuck you now. Ladies, if he gives off the energy of a roadside hotel mattress stain, run in the opposite direction. 

Actually it's not that bad but it's pretty close. I've spent the last 20yrs of my life in relationships. And by that I mean I spent a few years hopelessly in love with a guy who should probably be in jail and the rest of the time married to a guy who decided to stop talking to me two years into our marriage. You know how they say you can be with a group of people and still feel utterly alone, I know that feeling too well. I didn't realise how alone I felt until I met a man who made me feel seen and heard and I so desperately want to have a future with him. Unfortunately he has been burned by his ex to the point where he is now afraid to step into a new relationship and despite the fact that there are real feelings there I don't know that it will ever happen. I'm still holding out hope though. Please cross your fingers for me.

I've never really had to put effort into dating. Men kinda fell into my lap so to speak but the times have changed. Apps are how we meet people now, meeting in the wild is becoming increasingly hard and online dating seems to be where it's at. For me this is a good thing though because by all accounts, in the wild, my resting bitch face can be very intimidating. At least on an online profile I can chuck up a few photos of me cracking a grin. It might look forced but at least it's something. 

Apps bring a whole new meaning to the term ‘shooting your shot’ there are some very average looking dudes trying to match with me. And I can say that without sounding like an asshole because you literally base your matches on how a person looks in their profile. If you think they are hot, swipe right if not send them left. But you still need to consider that fact that at some point if the chats are good you will probably want to meet up and if a girl would never talk to you in real life the odds of her wanting to match with you on an app are also pretty slim. Wait, this does make me sound like an asshole.