Whiplash - Chapter One

It all started with cheese and crackers and a hypothetical wrestling match. A wrestling match that I let him win after much deliberation about how competitive we both are. I told him I would never let him win but because of my stupid need to be liked I told him he could have this one and asked what the prize would be. He said he would be eating cheese and crackers off my naked body. I told him I had something else he could eat when he was done and since then he has always blamed me for starting the situationship. 

What a situationship it was too. Hes very good at being a fuck boy. He knows exactly what to say and how to say it. He read me like a book and the first few weeks we talked were great. There was a balanced back and forth. I would wake up to cute little good morning texts and we would talk all day. It was flirty and fun and the facetime was spicy. 

Then about 3 weeks in he told me he was talking to someone else. The whole vibe changed. We had planned to meet up, we had set a date and everything was going great till he started talking to someone else. We were both talking to different people but my attitude towards him had remained the same throughout. He changed drastically. It was like I didn’t exist. I couldn't get anything out of him. I was doing the chasing and he would only respond if I contacted him first. Things had changed so much I didn't think we would actually meet up.

But our overnight rolled around and he assured me he was going to be there. He had purposely chosen a two bedroom apartment in case I decided I couldn't go through with it. I was nervous as fuck. It had been close to 8 yrs since I last had sex and even longer since anyone new had seen me naked. When I say I was nervous, I was fucking terrified. I've never hooked up with a random person I met on a dating app. Dating apps were completely new to me. I haven't dated in 20yrs!! But there I was waiting in a hotel for a guy I met on the internet. 

He pulled up and holy shit. He was hot, I was fucking puddle. I handed him the key to put his car in the underground parking and raced back upstairs to nervously finish my wine and pour a second drink to calm my nerves. We talked for a while. He was kind and sweet and held my hand when we went out for dinner. The chemistry was through the roof. I choked down the worst tacos I've ever eaten and a warm glass of beer. I don't really remember much of dinner, my brain had stopped working after the first kiss. 

After dinner we headed back up-stairs and he was all over me. My dress was on the floor and his hands were everywhere. We fucked hard, we broke the lounge we fucked so hard. He went down on me, it was great. He needed a break after the first session so we watched a movie and talked about our lives. He told me about his divorce and how his dog died. Then we fucked again, we showered and then went to bed. The next morning we cuddled and then I sucked his dick till he was hard and then climbed on for another go and then we went out for breakfast. 

He was kind of a dick the next morning. He told me he wasn't feeling well but I don't know. I just figured this is how it goes now. It's been a very long time between dates. Maybe this is just how dating is nowadays. We packed our shit and said goodbye. He said to let him know when I got home and we would talk later. I didn't have high hopes.

I messaged him a few days later and said hey if we're done talking can you please not show anybody any photos and videos, please just delete them. He said he would never do that to me, and asked where this had come from. He had told me he wasn't interested in a relationship, especially long distance. We are 5 hrs away from each other, it's a 1000km round trip to say hi. His response was yeah we are probably not in the best position to have a relationship but that doesnt mean i would just stop talking to you. So we talked. Sometimes daily, sometimes not, we facetimed almost once a week and it was great. It was always spicy at the start but then we would talk about our lives. I have a feeling it was very one sided though. I think I was developing a little crush and he wanted the girlfriend experience without the girlfriend.

I really need to start listening to men when they tell me who they are. I've got to stop trying to find what I want by reading between the lines, mostly because men don't have information between the lines. They say it like it is and I fill in the gaps with a made up fairy tail I created in my head. I want to be loved by a man who worships the ground I walk on, not a boy who only wants me when I'm quiet and do as I'm told. Whiplash made me feel beautiful and sexy and wanted and I haven't felt like that for almost my entire adult life. 

I clung to the hope that this kind man would want me in return but all he really wanted was my body. He didn't care that there was a human inside with feelings. He told me he wanted me to go out and meet other people but not to get in a relationship be cause he still needs to fuck me regularly. I took that comment as he had feelings but was too scared to tell me because he had been hurt by his ex. And he had been hurt, she fucked around with her boss. It's humiliating and soul crushing especially if you're head over heels in love. It's enough to make anyone not want to go through a relationship again. You can't get hurt if you never let anyone get close to you.