Whiplash - You Snooze You Lose

“Have you pulled the pin?” A concerned friend asked.

“What pin?” I said.“On the guy,” she replied, “You snooze, you lose. On Instagram?”

And that’s when I cried. Because I think… I have.

Lately, I’ve been hit with one too many dodgy men treating me like I’m disposable, and as much as I hate to admit it, he’s one of them. Not because he’s done anything awful recently. There wasn’t some big falling out or dramatic ending. But I caught myself thinking if only he would commit, I wouldn’t have to keep dating. I wouldn’t have to talk to other men.

And that thought stopped me, because not making a commitment after nearly a year? That’s on par with some guy on Bumble asking to see my tits two minutes after matching. It’s a different flavour of the same disrespect. So—for my sanity, and for what feels like the hundredth time—I have to let this man go. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It would take something spectacular for me to change my mind. Right now, I still really hope he does show up like that. But my gut says he won’t.

Sometimes life has to kick the shit out of you a few times before you start seeing the truth. And honestly, I feel like I’ve let it. I kept making myself available to him, holding onto hope, even though deep down I always had that feeling—the one that makes you tiptoe around a man, careful not to say the wrong thing. What if I upset him? What if he shuts down and the rest of the trip is ruined? So you Just keep the peace. You stay quiet.

But that’s not the kind of love I want. I’ve done the tiptoeing. I’ve spent my entire adult life contorting myself around men who couldn’t handle me. And I don’t get it. Why is it so hard for men to just accept me for who I am? Yeah, I’m loud. I have opinions. I’m a feminist and I can’t cook for shit. But that doesn’t make me any less deserving of love.

I’m cool as fuck. I’m affectionate and caring. I love hard and deep. All I ask is for that same kind of love back. Is that too much? Why can’t I have boundaries? When did “no” start meaning keep pushing until she caves?

I can’t keep romanticising a man who’s only ever half shown up. A man who got drunk and had phone sex with two women at once, and yes, I know, because he sent me one of the messages meant for her. He failed me. Not the other way around. Right now, remembering all that, I’m okay with not seeing him again. But I know myself—I’ll remember the good stuff too. I’ll cry again. Probably more than once. But eventually, I won’t.

Yes, there were moments that made me feel he cared. I don’t doubt there were feelings on both sides. But if he won’t acknowledge them or act on them, I’m stuck standing still. And I refuse to stay stuck. Those feelings? That chemistry? That kind of connection? It’ll come again. With someone else. Someone amazing. Someone who’s just as hot. Just as funny. Just as exciting. But the difference is—he won’t make me cry. He won’t leave me confused and gutted after I see him. And if it’s long-distance again? He’ll meet me in the middle, every single time.

Right now, my mindset is this: Stop living in the past. Focus forward. Because dwelling on memories just drags you back—and they’re usually the ones that trick you. The ones that convince you to reach out when you're half a bottle deep on a Tuesday night, sitting on the kitchen floor playing those songs he sent, on repeat.

Don’t let someone else determine your worth. Being single isn’t forever. One day you won’t be, and when that day comes, you’ll either look back wishing you’d made more of that time—or you’ll smile, remembering all the ways you came home to yourself. I’m not talking about sleeping around (though no judgment if that’s your vibe). I’m talking about living. Fully. For you.

Take last-minute trips. Eat garlic bread for breakfast. Paint a mural on your wall. Do the DIY projects your ex wouldn’t let you touch. Make your home weird and cosy and yours. Read books. Take baths. Learn what you actually like.

When you’re vibing on your own, the right person will feel you. You become magnetic. And suddenly, accepting crumbs from a man who couldn’t be bothered feels laughable. You’re not just surviving anymore—you’re thriving. And peace becomes non-negotiable.