Week Night Wine Drunk

I have to preface this chapter by saying it's not this guy's fault that I got the ick. No actually it is his fault. I mean initially it wasn't but then he came in with some very strange behaviour. He messaged me on plenty of fish, a disgusting dating app where anyone can message you at any time. I thought tinder was going to be the gross one but plenty of fish takes the cake. This guy hit me up and he was cute. He had a face I could sit on so when he said Hi, I said Hi right

It's been six months. He introduced me to friends and family and took me to a place he has been visiting since he was a child. The first time we went he told me I was about to meet his extended family. I caught, as you would expect, feelings. And after a conversation with his best friend's girlfriend I decided I should tell him where my head was at. It went down like a lead balloon.  He said he liked me too but couldn't give me what I wanted. He wasn't even willing to give th

You know that feeling when your to-do list starts to look more like a tragic novel than a series of actionable items? Yeah, that’s me right now. I’m drowning in responsibilities, and work is the riptide dragging me under. It’s not even that the workload itself has ballooned into something monstrous, it’s more that I’ve fallen out of love with the whole damn thing. Once upon a time, this job was challenging in a way that felt energizing. Now my boss sits in his room between pa

You know exactly who I’m talking about. The ones in baggy patchwork pants with a constellation of facial piercings. They smell like sage, weed, and dusty books. You’ll find them flocking to farmers markets, hiding their unwashed hair under oversized felt hats, buying overpriced organic veggies they can’t afford because the rent on their share house is triple their Centrelink payment. But don’t worry—the chunk of amethyst hanging around their neck is healing their throat chakr

Get weeknight wine drunk if you need to.

I matched with a guy on a dating app who seemed cute and sweet. He wasn't pushy about sex or meeting up and said he was looking for friends first because that's how a good relationship should start. We chatted on the app for a while and then he asked if I was comfortable switching numbers. He was tall and had the most gorgeous set of blue eyes. How could I say no? We texted for a few days and then things changed. He started pushing for us to meet up and the messages started t

I'm a dickhead for that boy

I've got a mate coming round with an 8 ball of coke, im gonna get uppa! What an opening move! Most guys respond to “what's your karaoke song?’ with Chattahoochee by Alan Jackson but not this guy. Not the irish prince charming. When the fuck did I get so blinded to red flags? Like I don't know why I kept talking to this guy? I did though and initially I was into the love bombing, the constant rapid fire texts, the photos of him with his kids made him feel normal and sweet. I e

So here we are again. Back in the trenches. Swiping, matching, emotionally investing in people who say things like “I don’t send dick pics” (spoiler: they always do) and have Snapchat handles that scream hot nerd energy . Because clearly, I love  to suffer. I matched with Ag Man twice before anything ever came from it. We chatted for a bit and then swapped Snapchats because nothing says modern romance like snapchat does. He was hot in a might have downs syndrome kind of way b

We have now been talking since mid august and are meeting up again mid november. It's been 6 weeks since we hooked up the first time and since then we have talked almost every day and facetimed almost weekly. I'm sure he is talking and hooking up with other people but so am I. Who am I to be mad?  The last time we talked, We facetimed for hours like we normally do but he let something slip He told me he wasn't texting or sleeping with anyone else because I was keeping him sat

It all started with cheese and crackers and a hypothetical wrestling match.

I don’t mind a bit of self love, I won’t lie to you and if everyone is being honest, I bet they would all say the same. There’s nothing better than a quick solo mission on a Sunday morning or twice on your lunch break because it’s been a rough day. Look, it’s either masturbate the pain away or drink it away and liquid lunches during the work day are frowned upon. Unfortunately all the solo exploration was leaving me less and less satisfied.  I quickly come, pun intended, to t

I have spent a tonne of time complaining about some very average men, but it wouldn't be fair if I didn't acknowledge the part that I played in these situations. I have only recently discovered or should I say admitted to myself that I think I have an anxious attachment style. I read too much into situations when I like someone and want it to work. I ignore men when they say they don't want a relationship. I think I can fix the bad boys but the years of not knowing where I st

Apps bring a whole new meaning to the term ‘shooting your shot’.

An emotional affair with an Aquarius man who was always one step away from doing things ironically.

A few years ago I left my marriage in the dust. We were together for 15yrs, married for 13, didn’t communicate for 11 and stopped having sex 6yrs into the gig. Put that on your dating profile.  

When was the day you started laughing at jokes you didn’t find funny?

Men are strange creatures

I wrote this before my divorce, can you tell??

Here’s a little life secret no one tells you loudly enough: you don’t need anyone’s permission to live your damn life.